What a rubbish day :) It started out ok, but then at 3.30 my team leader emailed me to say could we meet at 4.00 to have a "chat". I then spent the next 30 minutes sick with worry, wondering "What have I done? Is it because I'm sending too many personal emails? Have I given someone terrible service? I don't think I have, I'm always as helpful as I can... I haven't been on the internet in work time have I? No it can't be that, I know I don't do that...." and a multitude of other things as well. 4.00 pm rolls round and I shuffle down to meet her, fists clenched tight in worry, and basically I've made 3 silly mistakes in the last few weeks, nothing serious but which unfortunately have cost us money, and is everything ok with me? I say, yes everything is fine, the only thing wrong with me in fact is that I hate my job!! OK, so I didn't actually say that, I just said "Yes, I'm fine, nothing wrong at home, no, no, no issues at work, well, apart from this obviously". It was horrible. I cried like an idiot, I can't help myself, I tell myself to keep it together but I can't. My team leader was nice to me, I didn't get "told off" but its obvious my manager is hugely cheesed off by my mistakes and feels I need "talking to" - I guess I just have to concentrate more, I've been in the job 3 years, and with the company for 6, I should know what I'm doing by now. But it's just so hard when my heart is not in it, it stifles me, I sit at the same desk, the same machine, every day, day in day out, and I Hate It!!! I know I need to do something about it, with with the OH not being in permanent, secure work, now is not the time. Really all I want to do is be a housewife, and take photographs of people, and walk my dog, and create things!
Anyway, she said it's done with now, don't dwell on it, tomorrow is a new day, but Oh, if I make another mistake anytime soon, then my manager will want to talk to me, and it will have to go on my "file" too, whatever that means - I guess it means if redundancies are needed, I'll be the first one out the door, and I won't get as much bonus or payrise next year! Anyone else have issues like this at work? I know I have to keep it in perspective - I've not ran someone over, I've not commited a serious offence with the law, etc etc. But I still feel horrid and yukky and worried and everything else. I need to get out of there!
6 comments:
I know how you feel, I am just the same and take it all to heart too. Horrible experience, put it behind you and put a smile on your face and and tomrrow is another "Good" day....
Oh Bless you Sarah. Try not to worry about it, as you say it was nothing serious and you and yours are all well and happy. Work can be really hard at times and like you I would love to give it up and stay at home and create all day, but in the real world sadly we have to stay on that treadmill? Things happen for a reason and maybe this will inspire you to change something or decide to stick at it a while longer. I'm sure it will all be fine. Hugs xx
Sounds horrid. Like Michelle says, though, try not to dwell on it and put it behind you. I'm a terrible 'dweller' but these days I tell myself to stop it!
Oh it's grim, poor you. Perhaps you could talk to someone about the 'familiarity breeds contempt' thing and maybe ask that they vary your role a bit? Hard I know, but much better than sinking under the burden of not liking it....totally get why mistakes occur in that situation. And no, grass isn't always greenr, but girly, I know it sure looks it now. Remember tho' - work to live...
Oh Sarah! That's just crap! Sending you lots of hugs to make you feel better. We're both local girls, that love to craft. Wouldn't it be great if we could both afford to say 'sod off' to our employers and set up our own little craft emporium!
xx
Horrible. I've been on the receiving end of this sort of thing and it's not nice - especially when you are trying to be all strong and the tears take over :( Not easy to say in this climate but could you not look around for something else? Hope things look up for you soon and like Julia says - work to live not vice versa. I often wish I lived nearer my bloggy friends so we could all just go out and have a good laugh, shake off the cobwebs.
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